Robert Smalls: The Original Badass

In a world of remakes upon remakes upon god awful remakes of classic movies, not one is of Robert Smalls. In a world of eleven billion Fast and the Furious movies and two-hundred seasons of Supernatural, there is not a hint of Robert Smalls. In a world of people who do not know who Robert Smalls even was, there are those who say, "I cannot wait for the eleven-billionth-and-first Fast and the Furious movie." Well, the Provisser is here to save the day. I will be telling the amazing, swashbuckling tale of Robert Smalls, the Original Badass.

The year is 1839; Beaufort, South Carolina; dead of the night, a soft glow illuminates the cabin of Lydia Polite. Robert Smalls is born, into a life of slavery. He grew up and worked in the fields and plantations, while his mother served in the house. There has been some debate over who Smalls' father was. Some people say that it was the master of the house Henry Mckee; others say it was his son and others say it was the plantation manager. Either way, the Mckeen family favoured the boy out of all their slaves. You would think that would be a good thing, but his mother thought otherwise. Lydia thought that their owner's affection, maybe even love, for him would shield Robert and that he would not know the horrors of the systematic oppression of their people. So, at the age of nine, his mother took him to the parts of the plantation that he was not allowed to see - the whipping posts.

Lydia's plan worked a little too well. Robert was inflamed by the treatment of his people and this led him into all sorts of trouble and he would spend a lot of time in the Beaufort jail. When he was 12-years-old, his mother, once again fearful for her son, arranged with the McKee to have him sent to Charleston to work. There he worked odd jobs - his owner even allowing him to keep a small portion of his salary because he was such a good boy - in a hotel, as a lamplighter in the streets and lastly on the docks of Charleston, on a ship called the CSS Planter. Smalls had a great love for the sea and for the majority of his teen years he worked in the harbour as a sailmaker, a longshoreman and he eventually became a wheelman, which in those days meant that he was the pilot, though black people were not allowed that title. As a result, he became incredibly knowledgable about the Charleston waters. It was here that he met his wife, Hannah Jones, a slave who worked at a hotel. In 1856, at seventeen he married Hannah and within two years he had fathered a daughter, all with their owners' permission. However, both his wife and his daughter were still slaves and were not his to keep. Smalls tried outright to purchase his family's freedom but the cost was too great at $800. Smalls earned one dollar a week and had only managed to save up $100. Their owners allowed them to purchase an apartment and move in together and Smalls promised his family that one day he would free them. His chance came on May 12th, 1862; during the American Civil War.

Is this not already more interesting than the 2016 Ghostbusters?

Battle of Fort Sumter

Charleston was also the home of Fort Sumter, a great stronghold of the South. It had stockpiles and arms and ammunition It was only natural that it would be an important target in the Civil War and as such, it was attacked in the Battle of Fort Sumter in April of 1861. The attack was unsuccessful and the Union initiated blockades to try and weaken the Confederacy. It was here, that Smalls' plan began to take shape. In April or May of 1861, Smalls met with the other slaves that worked on the docks and explained his plan; they would commandeer a ship, pose as free men, make it to the Union blockade and sail with them. "It's a suicide mission!" they all cried. They were only ten slaves, in the middle of what was the most important Confederate town. But Smalls knew the price, he was risking his life, as well as the lives of his family and fellow sailors. If they were caught, they'd all be hanged and their families separated and resold. Smalls made it clear, there was one of two ways that this plan would end; they would escape and survive or get caught and fight for their lives. Smalls already had a ship in mind, the CSS Planter, the ship he worked on.

The choice was a good one. He and the rest of the slaves already worked on the CSS Planter so there would be no suspicion as to why they were all there, and Smalls knew the harbour and the sea better than anyone. Those were the only two advantages to his plan. The disadvantages were a tad more serious. The CSS Planter was, like most vessels in the 19th century, powered by coal which gave them the name of "steamers". It gave off more smoke than a fedora-wearing neckbeard with a vape and was louder than the THX monstrosity from those old DVDs so stealth was impossible. There was also the issue of the three white officers on board the ship who needed to be dealt with; the guards at the wharf also needed to be taken care of to avoid raising suspicion was to why the Planter was leaving; after leaving the harbour they would need to backtrack to pick up their families upriver, the opposite way of where they wanted to go; they would have to sail past many smaller armed forts and heavily armed Confederate ships on patrol and finally, they would have to find a way to signal the awaiting Union fleet that they were friendly, and not a Confederate ship, to stop them from open-firing. Going anywhere near Fort Sumter was out of the question too because if they were signaled to dock and refused, they would be destroyed in a matter of seconds. They all knew the risks, but only two of the crew refused. The group, which included Smalls and his family and the crew, made 16 people. He promised them that when the time is right, he'd give them the signal and they would sail to freedom.

I'd like to see Vin Diesel's family and trademark mumble-growl top this.

In the early hours of the 13th of May 1862, their opportunity came. It was foggy, thick and damp. Call it fate, call it luck but the conditions were ideal for an escape, the fog so thick it would obscure most of the Planter's smoke. In the Confederacy, it was the law that Captains of their ships were to stay on board, or at least have a high-ranking white officer on board at all times, day or night, to keep watch over the slaves. The three white officers on the ship were Captain Charles Relyea, first mate Samuel Smith Hancock and engineer Samuel Pitcher. Captain Relyea trusted his slave crew, whether out of respect or because he believed that his crew was incapable of doing anything remotely similar to running away we cannot say. But on this particular night, he left the ship with the other two officers, leaving the ship completely in the hands of Smalls and the crew. The first obstacle had been cleared. Once the officers were out of sight, Smalls signaled the crew, hoisted the Confederate flag and the flag of South Carolina and set sail. A guard ship noticed, and even moved closer to get a better look but they assumed that the ship was under the command of the Captain and so did not raise the alarm. A police detective on shore noticed too but assumed the same thing. Luck seemed to be on Smalls' side. For now at least.

The moved to the North Atlantic Wharf where the others were waiting. They moved slowly, as to not draw attention to themselves. "The boat moved so slowly up to her place we did not have to throw a plank or tie a rope,” Smalls said. Once all of them were on board, the woman and children below decks, they moved on to the most crucial part of their plan: getting

The South Carolina Flag

past the Confederate patrols.

Because stealth was impossible, it was key to act like the Planter looked like it was going a routine mission. The Planter was a supply ship, often carrying weapons, ammunition, and food to Fort Sumter. They would have to follow their route, which meant going past the dreaded Fort. It was very likely that any guard post or patrol ship and even the Fort itself they sailed past would need verification in the form of specific signals. But Smalls, having worked in the docks for his teen years, knew them all. He knew the Captain's mannerisms incredibly well too; wearing the Captain's straw hat to hide his face and even standing with his arms crossed as the Captain often did. As long as they were not asked to stop, they would succeed. But they needn't worry, not a ship stopped them and they made it to Fort Sumter. Luck was still on their side.

You could cut the tension with a knife. Fort Sumter blew its whistle, they had been spotted immediately. The Fort was massive, its 50ft (15. 24 metres) walls looming over them, guns loaded and ready. The crew was terrified, all except Smalls who needed to maintain his composure. “When we drew near the fort every man but Robert Smalls felt his knees giving way and the women began crying and praying again,” Gourdine, one of the crewmen, had said. But once again, luck was on their side. The thick fog had descended once again and made visibility for the Fort very difficult. When the sentry looked down, he saw only the Planter and Captain Relyea wearing his straw hat and standing with his arms folded. Smalls took out his whistle and blew three times, two longs blows and one short one; the signal for permission to pass. There was a long pause. Dead silence. And then the sentry yelled, "Blow the d—d (sic) Yankees to hell, or bring one of them in.” Smalls dared not breathe a sigh of relief. He merely responded, "Aye-aye" and pushed the Planter forward into the fog, which had gotten so thick that only the lights of the steamer were visible. The crew did not celebrate just yet, they were now caught in between the Fort's guns and the guns of the Union blockade. If they pull down the Confederate flags too early and hoist the white flag the Fort would blow them out of the water. Do it too late, and the Union would open fire. But the world desperately wanted Smalls plan to work. The fog only thickened as they sailed forward until the Fort could no longer see the steamer. Taking a chance, they pulled down the Confederate flags and hoisted their white bedsheet for surrender. They waited. There were no whistles of alarm, and there were no gunshots. They all relaxed, they had fooled the fort.

As they sailed, a Union ship came into view; a triple-masted, 174ft (53 metres) behemoth named Onward. The lights on the Union ship flickered on and there were shouts of alarm. They had been seen. Once they were in hailing distance of each other, the men on the Onward could see the white flag of surrender. The Onwards captain, Lieutenant John Frederick Nickels asked them who they were and what their intentions were. Once Smalls had supplied answers, they were ordered to pull up alongside the Onward. However, whether the crew was still shaken or whether Smalls simply did not hear, the Lieutenant's orders were not heard and they tried to sail past the ship. They did not get more than halfway before the ship's guns turned on them and the harsh words of the Lieutenant drifted over the water, "Stop or we will blow you out of the water!" These harsh words and the sudden act of hostility terrified the crew but Smalls did as he was told. They were once again ordered to pull up alongside of the ship.

One the crew realized that they were not hostile all of them finally celebrated. For the first time in their lives, they were free. Some turned and started dancing and singing, others turned in the direction of the Fort and cursed it. Smalls, however, walked up to the Captain with a big shit-eating grin on his face and said, "Good morning, sir! I’ve brought you some of the old United States guns, sir!—that were for Fort Sumter, sir!” The CSS Planter still had their supplies for Fort Sumter.

And that is the story of how Robert Smalls and his motley crew did the impossible. 16 slaves, managed to escape from the beating heart of the Confederacy and weaken Fort Sumter at the same time. But Smalls' story did not end there. He went on to do many great things. His example and persuasion convinced President Abraham Lincoln to let African-Americans join the army. He was enlisted in the Union army as an officer and recruited 5,000 black soldiers by himself. In October of 1862, he returned to the CSS Planter and engaged in 17 naval battles, including the attack on Fort Sumter in April of 1863. By December of 1863, he was promoted to Captain Robert Smalls of the CSS Planter. When the war ended in 1865, Robert was back where he started, on the deck of CSS Planter in Charleston harbour. But as a Captain and a freeman.

When the war was over, he was hailed as a hero and was given $1500 - some argue that this amount should have been higher, as the Confederacy had placed a $4000 bounty on him - and during his time in the Union army he was paid $150 a month, which made him the highest-paid black man in the army. With his family and his money, he returned to Beaufort, bought his former owner's house and there he lived. But he did not sit idle, he continued to push boundaries and became the first black politician to serve in the Carolina state and assembly, and for five nonconsecutive terms in the U.S House of Representatives. Unfortunately, his political career did not last as he spent the last years of his life watching the state destroy the progress made in the Reconstruction Era and stripped the black people of their rights. He died in February of 1915, in the same cabin he was born in. There is a monument to him in the church he was buried in, and was inscribed with a statement that he made to the South Carolina legislature in 1895, "My race needs no special defense, for the past history of them in this country proves them to be the equal of any people anywhere. All they need is an equal chance in the battle of life."

Robert Smalls was a great man and a hero to the Union and to his people. In 2019, director Charles Burnett stated that he was developing a movie called "Steal Away" which would be about Smalls' escape from slavery. So already my prayers for a new and original movie have been answered. Thank the lord that there are no more sequels!

Shit.