HBF-UPS: The Fourth Crusade

I can safely say that if I say, "Crusade" the first thing that you will do is scream "DEUS VULT" at the top of your lungs. At least, if you're a man of culture.

Most of you know of the romanticized events of "the Crusade"; heroes in full plate armor, wearing red crosses, sweeping through the Holy Land with religious might and fervor, seeking glory and acclaim, and taking back Jerusalem of course. Very few people, at least in my experience, do not know that there were multiple Crusades each with their own varying levels of success and very few know about the absolute shit-show that was the Fourth Crusade. Well, that is why I am here, so sit back, relax and let's laugh at some very confused Christians and not get kicked out of Church this time.

The year is 1198, and the newly elected Pope Innocent III was desperate to take back the Holy Land. It became the very foundation of his manifesto and much like every other radical believer (Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers and Vegans) he was largely ignored by the general public. France and England were still at each other's throats because of a small argument that can be summed up in a nice Tumblr post:

As a self-titled Professor (I am now to be called "The Provisser", don't @ me) I confirm the above post to be somewhat accurate. Besides France and England's little spats, Germany (or rather the states and areas that would become Germany) was trying their damnedest to resist Papal power. Pope Innocent was ignored for the first year of his reign but eventually, an even more preachy pastor named Fulk of Neuilly gate crashed a tournament held at France 1199 and managed to convince everyone to join the Crusade. The Pope was over the moon and immediately supported the army, on one condition: there was to be a solemn ban on attacks against any Christian states. The original leader Count Thibaut of Champagne kicked the bucket two years later and was replaced by an Italian count, Boniface of Montferrat. Be sure to remember his name, it will become very important later.

With willing participants and a supporting Pope, the crusade was well on its way to being realized. Now all was that was needed was transport. In 1201, negotiations opened between the Crusaders' envoys and the famous city-state Venice and its most famous leader, Doge Enrico Dandolo. There were already murmurs of dissent among the Crusaders because very few trusted the Doge but when the Holy Land was across a puddle that was thousands of kilometers wide, they decided to make the deal. The Venetians agreed to supply transport to transport 33, 500 Crusaders and all that they needed was a year to build the ships and train the soldiers that would man them. Oh, and a tidy sum of 85 000 silver marks. I have no easy way of putting that amount into context. If you had that kind of money at that point in history you could either fund the Crusade or buy Italy. The Crusaders and the Pope agreed and the Crusade was finally put into motion was set to begin on the 24th of June 1203.

Now it is here that the Crusade becomes complicated. There was no binding agreement among the Crusade that Venice would be the official rendezvous, which is a bit of a statistical oversight since transport had been ordered for the entirety of the Crusade, not a portion. A small portion decided to sail straight to the Holy Land and take the Crusade into their own hands. From here, I will focus on the majority that did go to Venice as that small splinter group did nothing of great import. The only important person that did not sail to Venice was Count Boniface but that will come up much later. By May in 1202, the majority of the army was stationed in Venice and it was there that the first problem introduced itself; of the 33 500 Crusaders that rallied, only 12 000 actually bothered to show up. This proved to be a massive disaster as they could no longer afford the beautiful fleet that the Venetians had painstakingly built. This enraged the Venetians and they threatened to not let them leave the city until they were able to pay the full amount. The Crusaders only had 35 000 silver marks and managed to scrape together a further 14 000 which completely and utterly bankrupted them. Their extended stay in Venice was an issue for the Venetians themselves, as they placed a large strain on the Venetian economy.

This left the Doge and the higher-ups of Venice in quite the pickle; what to do with the 12,000 violently pious Christians in their city? They could not kick them out as that would quite simply be bad business and would put a dent on an otherwise spotless reputation. So Doge Enrico came up with an idea, he would employ the Crusaders to attack and capture the city of Zara. Once they had done so, the fleet was theirs'. More information on the city of Zara can be found here but for our purposes, this is what is important: Zara was Venetian, now isn't, Venice mad. There was one very slight, teensy weensy, ever so slightly small problem, Zara was Catholic and the leader of Zara, King Emeric, was once a Crusader too. This was too much for some Crusaders and they outright refused to march on another Catholic city and it is here that we see the Crusade split for a second time, although this time in smaller numbers. Those that remained decided to agree to the Doge's proposal and they sailed for Zara and arrived on the 10th of November 1202. Pope Innocent found out about this plan more or less in this manner (again, I am The Provisser, don't question me):

I made dis.

Surprisingly, the Pope was most vexed that his one condition had been ignored and he sent a letter to the Crusaders on the 24th of November after the sack of Zara that they had all been excommunicated and ordered them to march on Jerusalem. When the generals of the Crusade received the letter, they did what any rational adult would do in the face of a holy telling-on; they decided to ignore it and winter in Zara to figure out their next move.

Remember the Italian man with the funny name I told you to remember? No? Well here is the reminder. Count Boniface of Montferrat left the Crusade before they sailed to Venice, for reasons unknown, and decided to visit his cousin the equally ridiculously named Philip of Swabia and it was here that the Crusader's luck began to turn. Boniface met Philip's brother-in-law Alexios IV Angelos, the very recently disposed prince of Constantinople. Prince Alexios made a very enticing promise to Count Boniface, the Crusaders help him take back Constantinople and in return he would pay the pay back the entire debt owed to the Venetians, give them an additional 200,000 silver marks for supplies, give them 10,000 Byzantine troops, additional transport to the Holy Land and place the Eastern Orthodox Church under the control of the Pope.

In no way shape or form was the Prince able to keep his promise due to inner workings of Byzantine politics, which the Doge knew well and decided to keep quiet.

This tempting offer was given to the leaders of the Crusade by Boniface on the 1st of January 1203 and they all agreed to the plan, after a few well-placed bribes from the Doge. So the two armies met once again at Corfu and set sail to Constantinople.

I made dis too.

The Crusader force arrived at Constantinople on the 23rd of June 1203 and after a few minor skirmishes, the great Siege of Constantinople began in July of 1203. The Crusaders were successful and Alexios IV was crowned emperor on the 1st of August 1203. However, the promises that he made to the Crusaders were very hard to keep. The previous emperor Alexios III fled the city with 1,000 pounds (around 453kg) of gold and precious jewels which left the state very short on funds. Desperate for funds, he ordered the melting of several religious artifacts to try and raise money, which turned the people against him. The famous Byzantine historian Nicetas Chroniates stated that that was the turning point towards the decline of the Roman state. The attitude of the people towards him did little to relieve his desperation so he asked the Crusaders to stay for another six months to help him. They agreed and he led 3,000 of them on an attack against his rival Alexios III in Adrianople.

A question: what do you do if you led an attack on a city, had that city brutally sacked by foreigners, claimed that city as your own and royally pissed off the citizens of that city by melting down their religious artifact? Do you:

A): Spend sometime rebuilding the city and make peace with your new citizens by promising restoration of the artifacts once you were able.

or

B): Fuck off on another assault and leave the city full of people that hate you with little defense?

The answer should be obvious.

During Alexios IV's absence, rioting broke out in the city that carried on for six months, all of which had to be brutally quelled by the remaining Crusaders. Alexios IV returned from his campaign in Adrianople to find the city on fire and a rebel group led by a nobleman named Alexios Doukas (evidently "Alexios" is the Byzantine equivalent of "John", "Alan" and "Bill"). The rebel group staged a successful coup in February 1204, Alexios the IV was murdered and Doukas was crowned Emperor Alexios V. Incensed at the murder of their patron, the Crusaders demanded that Alexios V honor the contract. Alexios V's answer was short and sweet:

"Fuck off"

The Crusaders proceeded to sack Constantinople for three days.

After the brutal second sacking of Constantinople, the Pope was filled with shame and rage and harshly rebuked them. That marked the end of the Fourth Crusade and while there were small campaigns in Aquilla, Acre and further into the Holy Land, they were met with such little success that they are barely labeled as Crusades.

And there you have it folks, the absolute shit-show that was the Fourth Crusade. What started as an innocent Crusade to take back the Holy Land ended with the sacking of two Christian cities, one of which was sacked twice, and they were not even close to Jerusalem.

Pope Innocent III had this to say on the matter:

Here marks the end of my story. If you want to know more, watch Crash Cours's video on the Crusade.

Deus Vult.